The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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