Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
