epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
