Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
