my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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