This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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