It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?