oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan