i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
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Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.