Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
