one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
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I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.