this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
