I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
