We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
