Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
