I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
