And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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