Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
