Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
