:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
