I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
