i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
