The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
