Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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