i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
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