Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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