I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
