All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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