like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
