Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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