Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
