Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
