mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
