i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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