38 yer olds are good kisserssss
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
