I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
