it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
