Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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