when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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