idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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