She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
