Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
