Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
