did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
