Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
nutella sex= disaster
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
