Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
