i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
