her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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