I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
