So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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