I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
