I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
