All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
