Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
try to milk me bitch
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
