He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
