but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
