Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
