At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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