Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
