This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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