we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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