No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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