I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i dont even know how to be here
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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