I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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