this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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