I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
