literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
