I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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