one might say we're banned from that church
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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