if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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