I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
