she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
