Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
