A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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