I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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