did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
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