I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
