Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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